Honest Trailers - High School Musical
by The 21st Century Pendragon
Summary: Just after watching HSM 3 and seeing how unintentionally funny it is, it is time for the movies to have their Honest take.
1. High School Musical

If an Honest Trailer for High School Musical were to exist, it would start with flashing the requests for this video and the typical green title card. And with that, the epic voice narrator Jon would start his spiel:

" **From the channel infamous of releasing those Disney original movies you probably didn't know existed, except maybe** _ **Jett Jackson: The Movie**_ **, comes the most successful of them all, that launched the careers of its, that forced kids to appreciate musicals for once, that started an unstoppable fandom that still existed until this day, and that made every millennial realize, 'I actually loved this when I was a kid? Man, I'm a dork.'** _ **High School Musical**_ **.** "

Along with accompanying clips, the narrator kicks off the trailer proper: " **When Disney channel hit their high points with the unconventional kid's action cartoon** _ **Kim Possible**_ **, watch as they hit a higher point, where they hit the same points that made** _ **Hannah Montana**_ **successful. They're supposed to be cheesy and made for kids only.** " This is followed with a clip showing Troy's suspicious reaction.

" **Enter the town of Albuquerque, New Mexico that does not look like what Weird Al describes. And meet Troy Bolton, the popular kid and the Wildcats basketball team captain who refuses to sing…** " Cue clip of Troy being forced onstage during that New Year's party." **…and Gabriella Montez, the new girl in school and total bookworm who refuses to sing.** " Cue clip of Gabriella being forced to sing on that same party.

" **But when destiny finds them together, these lovelorn students will fall for each other, audition for the school musical, overcome their insecurities to discover their singing potential and do whatever it takes to fight for their love…just because they were forced to sing karaoke together.** " After that note, the narrator comments," **Yep, completely true love to me. So, I did karaoke one night with bottomless iced tea, so does that mean I can perform at Broadway?** "

The narrator jumps to a montage of scenes showing Troy and Gabriella's romance as he jots through the script, " **Witness as these star-crossed lovers fight to keep their relationship intact by thankfully not going all** _ **Romeo and Juliet**_ **with the gore and all, and breaking the status quo that somehow causes a whole school of diverse students to be surprised like…** "

"… **Troy's teammates, total jocks who only love basketball…** " Cue the Wildcats shouting, "Get your head in the game!"

"… **Gabriella's school decathlon team, total bookworms who only love science mumbo-jumbo that 5** **th** **graders would speak…** " Cue the clip showing Taylor bemusing Gabriella by saying, "This is the side where you belong."

"… **the other cliques that somehow existed in the 21** **st** **century…** "The video shows the images of the skaterdudes, the cheerleaders, the brainiacs and other stereotypical high school cliques present in East High.

"… **and of course, the Evans, the obligatory rich kid twins, who are obviously the bad guys. There's Sharpay, the spoiled one who loves being fabulous, and there's Ryan, the flamboyant one, who loves pink?** "As the video shows Ryan in his hijinks, the epic voice guy clarifies to the viewers (or specifically Ryan)," **I don't mean to mock, but ease it down with the pink, please? Neon colors blind me, okay?** "

Nevertheless, the narrator continues with the script, " **Relive the timeless tales that every teenager can relate to like:**

… **falling in love is okay in high school, as long as you ignore the important stuff like studying…** " As the video tries to show an actual studying scene from the characters, he remarks, " **Yeah, they don't show that much studying.** "

But he still continues enumerating the valuable lessons, " **…It is fine to enter restricted areas in the school premises."** Cue the video showing Troy sneaking towards restricted school areas until he arrives in the auditorium. " **Yes? That's exactly how Troy does things…** "

" **If someone gets in your way, push them, even with brute force.** "Cue montage of characters pushing each other. " **What?!** "

" **If one of your friends have different hobbies, condemn them, just because they are traitors.** " Cue the clip of Martha being chastised by the brainiacs. " **Oh gasp?!"**

" **You can always blackmail your friends, so you can create misunderstandings.** "Cue that scene featuring the Wildcats blackmailing Troy to expose him to Gabriella. " **What?! You clearly set up a webcam? And he somehow didn't notice it. What?!** "

Even as the lessons gets more absurd, the narrator keeps up with the script, " **When your friends do not want to talk to you, stalk at them.** " Cue clip of Troy showing up from Gabriella's bedroom window. " **Okay, that's borderline sinister there.** "

" **Spoiled kids get the authority to change school-administrated events.** "Then, the video shows Sharpay and Ryan conspiring to move the callback date. " **What's with the bribing?** "

"… **And desperate times call for desperate measures, even if it means hacking in the school's wiring program, and sabotaging both your scholastic decathlon and your basketball championship, and somehow never got penalized for it?!** "Realizing how unethical the situations where in the movie, the narrator feels the need to berate about its ridiculousness, " **What?! You kids hacked into your school's computer systems and you managed to get away with that? No!** " Sooner after ranting, the epic voice clams down, then softly remarks, " **You know come to think of it, this movie is not a good way to teach to your kids. I can tell. Check out what Efron did after this.** " Cue posters for _Neighbors_ , _Baywatch_ , _Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates_ and _Dirty Grandpa_.

" **Enjoy on one more nostalgia trip that defined your high school generation for once, after you all realized just how generally unrealistic it is for these basketball players to also have sing-and-dance moves and at the same time, mock Troy about it…** " Cue clip from the number "Get'cha Head in the Game."

"… **how overwhelming it is for such a small-town high school to be pumped about their basketball team…** " Cue montage of the Wildcats promotional materials.

"… **how ridiculous it is that these theater stereotypes are the only ones who want to audition; how completely vague their upcoming musical piece is…** " Cue auditions for the musical held by Ms. Darbus, from the stuttering geek to the stupid emo number.

"… **how stupid Sharpay is for not seeing Gabriella behind that wall…** "As the video shows a clip of Sharpay in the bathroom with Gabriella hiding, he sidetracks, " **I mean seriously? Are you blind, woman?** "

"… **and how it makes no preposterous sense that everyone is A-Okay to dance and sing, and that Sharpay and Ryan are cool with the good guys winning.** "Cue the clip from the number "We're All in This Together" just to point out how the song completely retcons the whole situation of the movie. " **Ughh…you know what, it is Disney and it is for kids. Period.** "

Finally, the epic voice guy prepares for an awaited part of every Honest Trailer of a musical, " **So, gather up your friends as you revisit the Disney Channel classic that you loved in the past, and listen again to the unforgettable that you guiltily listen to until now, featuring songs like:**

 **"The Foreshadowing Romance Song"** **  
** **This is the start of our romance** **  
** **Made it look like it's our only chance** **  
** **And now listen to our duet** **  
** **It is pretty obvious** **  
** **That it's the start of our romance**

 **"The 'We Love Basketball' Song"** **  
** **We love, we love, we love basketball** **  
** **We have to focus because we love basketball** **  
** **We love, we love, we love basketball** **  
** **We have to focus because we love basketball**

 **We love, we love, we love basketball** **  
** **We have to focus because we are very tall** **  
** **We love, we love, we love basketball** **  
** **We have to focus because nothing will go wrong at all**

 **"The Audition Piece"** **  
** **We never act before**

 **But that's the best that we could do**

 **Acting like Hugh**

 **We never sang before**

 **But listen, it's finely tuned**

 **With autotune**

 **Sorry for the bore**

 **Just don't kick us out**

 **Don't lead us to the door**

 **"The Song that More or Less Encourages Division"**

 **No! No, no, no!**

 **Stay in your place, you foe!**

 **If you're so different, please kneel and repent**

 **Don't mess with the school**

 **No! No!**

 **If you're different, you blow!**

 **No! No, no, no!**

 **Stick to your stuff or go!**

 **Non-conformity sucks, so give us your ten bucks!**

 **Don't mess with the school**

 **No! No!**

 **We love the status quo**

 **"The Slow Jam Realizati** **on from the Female Lead"**

 **I thought this was a fairy tale**

 **Because Disney made it look like one**

 **The wish upon a star**

 **Is just a ruse**

' **Cause now I learned that I've been tricked**

 **Believing I will play Belle; But it's not true**

 **One moment blew**

 **Here's the Disney blues**

 **"The Stereotypically Hispanic Song"**

 **Not, not, not, not a rip-off**

 **We're not mocking Latina pop**

 **We'll not stop till you all pop**

 **Just shut up there**

 **We'll bop, bop, bop till we drop**

 **Ms. Shakira, sorry**

 **But we're obviously evil, so we won't stop**

 **Till we reach the top**

 **This song ain't flop**

 **"The Song that Zac Efron Likely Wants to Forget"** **  
** **I am sorry I forgot this** **  
** **There's not a star in this show that I could reach** **  
** **If you forgot this, it's okay with me**

 **I am having my career now** **  
** **I have to still film my scenes in Baywatch 3** **  
** **So my dear fans, face the reality**

 **"The Song that Burrows in Your Head Since 2006"** **  
** **Together, together, together hear this song**

 **Together, together, have this beat stay so long**

 **Together, together, when this song will play by chance**

 **Together, together, just shut up, sing and dance**

 **This song is stuck forever** **  
** **Don't forget every word, every beat, now just repeat**

 **The tenth time's even better** **  
** **Have this earworm stay in your head until we're all dead**

 **Everybody now!** "

After doing the Honest Songs, the video goes to the favorite Honest Names:

" **Starring:**

 **Lord Zefron (Troy)**

 **Gabriella Montague (Gabriella)**

 **Afrojack (Chad)**

 **That's So Not Raven (Taylor)**

 **Pinky Malinky (Ryan)**

 **Shark Bay Evans (Sharpay)**

 **Kelsi Grammar (Kelsi)**

 **Disney One-Liners (Chad's "to infinity and beyond" line and Gabriella's song line "a wish upon the star")**

 **Zeke & Luther (Zeke and Jason)**

 **Fat Amy (Martha)**

 **Sk8ter Bois (Skaterdude)**

 **Nerds Posing as Dancers (Some students)**

 **Dancers Posing as Nerds (Brainiacs)**

 **30-Year-Old Broadway Extras Posing as Students (Students during the "Stick to the Status Quo" number)**

 **So the Drama (Ms. Darbus)**

 **Coach Carter (Coach Bolton)**

 **And Voicing (Montage of characters doing voices)** "

Finally, the epic voice narrator dictates the Honest Title:" _ **East High Story**_ "

But before the video ends, he remarks," **To be fair, Bad Lip Reading did spoofing the songs alright too.** " Cue the clip from the BLR video showing the spoof song "Pretty Little Basketball".


	2. High School Musical 2

Of course, an Honest Trailer to _High School Musical_ would follow it up with a comical take on its sort of pointless sequel. If it were to exist, it would start with the usual flashing of the requests by users and the traditional title card. And it would start with the voiceover narrator Jon Bailey's opening spiel:

" **You loved the original for its songs, its characters and its high school tropes that you love since childhood. Now, get ready for the follow-up that every teen cannot wait to see, and that every parent groaned for their kids wasting their TV cable bills.** _ **High School Musical 2**_ **.** "

After doing that spiel and flashing the movie's title, the narrator opens up the video, guided by accompanying clips from the movie musical: " **You have waited for an actual high school musical that the original built up in the first place, with your favorite couple shipping to star in. Well, forget about that because it is all about summer. And everybody cannot stop talking about it.** " Cue montage of East High students gushing over summer.

" **Settle in as our favorite high school gang get refreshed for the summer on a story that does not feel refreshed at all, as we go back to the same old tropes that were in the original like high school cliques that somehow existed in an exclusive country club, the antagonists go back to being antagonists, Troy ditching his basketball team, Gabriella ditching Troy, the group working together to make a performance happen, and the obligatory closing cheery song that forgets what happened to these characters. It's the exact same thing. But…meh.** "

" **See your favorite characters from the original, downgraded from sequel-litis symptoms, like Troy, the pretty puppy face star player who pours out his emotions like an actual puppy…** " Cue montage of Zac Efron's kind of sophomore acting.

"… **Gabriella, the school genius and bookworm, sidelined as a lifeguard and a Disney pop princess…** " The video then shows Gabriella as a student and as a lifeguard.

"… **Chad, the token black best friend who would challenge an enemy to baseball but won't dance…** "Then the narrator feels the need to side-comment about Chad's sudden dancing in the first movie's number "Stick to the Status Quo", " **Really? So, what does this mean, hah?** "

"… **Taylor, another total nerd who turned out to be a total pain in the neck with her authoritarian sass…** " Cue Taylor and her sassy behavior as a hostess.

"… **Ryan, the flamboyant sidekick who is relegated to the good side, just because of his bratty sister** …" Cue the clip where Ryan ditches Sharpay for Gabriella and company.

"… **and that bratty sister Sharpay, who evolved from conniving rich kid to despicable stalking prima donna, who won't stop till she gets everything she wants.** " After showing a compilation of clips of Sharpay's spoiled behavior, and as it ended on the "You Are the Music in Me" number, the voiceover guy exclaims, " **Ugh…can someone put a giant cork in her mouth? I want this girl to stop!** "

Nevertheless, he moves on to enumerating the summer aspects of the movie, " **Enjoy in this sort-of summer special…that didn't show anything awesome about summer, except maybe the exclusive summer country club whose owners are uptight, whose butler is uptight, whose rules are uptight, whose residences are uptight and whose amenities are also uptight.** "

" **And instead, enjoy your favorite characters suffer on their summer jobs…** " Cue clip of the kids complaining in the kitchen

"… **scold at each other…** " Cue clip of the movie's "drama".

"… **and do lots of illegal things, like banging the utensils in the kitchen…** " Cue clips of the gang using kitchen utensils as instruments during the number "Work It Out".

"… **loitering on a golf course…** " Cue Troy and Gabriella's picnic date on the golf course.

"… **swimming on a pool beyond operating hours…** "Cue Troy and Gabriella's other date in the pool.

"… **quitting your summer job without permission…** " Cue Gabrielle walking out on Troy before the "Gotta Go My Own Way" number.

"… **sabotaging a summer performance that they count as a school musical…** " Cue the gang planning to take over the country club's annual talent show. And still, the epic voice guy feels the need to comment, " **Seriously kids, you already done this to your own school, and now you're going to do this at the place you are working at?!** "

"… **and most important of all, singing, which, you come to think about it, they often do in public areas where people would hear them.** " Cue the characters unintentionally singing in public spaces, most especially Troy in his "Bet on It" song number. " **Umm hello? A little notice here?! These kids are being noisy. Can you make them stop?** "

" **So, strap in for the sequel that everybody is waiting for, that beat the ratings of the original** _ **High School Musical**_ **, that kicked off the endless barrage of merchandising, and had unleashed another onslaught of unforgettable songs that you may or may not recognize, like…** "

" **The Bohemians in the Making Song"**

 **Everybody's lazy, going crazy, do we even hate school?**

 **Nahh, that won't matter since they all say it is cool!**

 **What time is it?**

 **Lazy time! Maybe stay-cation**

 **What time is it?**

 **Party time? I might stay at home**

 **What time is it?**

 **Oh, who cares now? No recitations!**

 **What time is it?**

 **Wasting our time! School sucks! Let's bust it out!**

" **The Clichéd Disney 'I Want' Song"**

 **This might have sound old, but this is real soon**

 **Just treat me as complex, not another lame tune**

 **A sass at my mouth, a raise of my brow**

 **Endless laughs at my lungs, the whole world will come to bow**

 **(Excuse me?)**

 **Her menace will make your pants soiled**

 **I'm so spoiled**

 **Because I'm a villain, so please do my request**

 **A spoiled villain, I don't care who gets oppressed**

 **I need someone answering to all of my demands**

 **It's obvious that I'm the villain, and no one understands?**

" **The Teamwork Song"**

 _ **Chad:**_

 **How did we get from being a student**

 **to becoming employed?**

 _ **Taylor:**_

 **I don't recall the movie mentioning**

 **Our first arc's null and void**

 _ **Troy:**_

 **We've got to work, work**

 **Work, work right now**

 **The boss ain't be proud**

 **If we sing this loud**

 **We better work, work**

 **But I don't know how**

 **If we still have a summer**

 **If we work right now**

 _ **Chad:**_

 **Dude, what have you gotten us into?**

 **"The 'Breaking Free'-ish Song"**

 **The harmony, familiar to me**

 **It's echoing inside my head**

 **A single voice, that revamped noise**

 **I know it has been said**

 **For a long time**

 **When you hear that same old song**

 **It's been a year so long**

 **Oh, this is not "Breaking Free"**

 **Yeah, we're cashing on its success**

 **At least we have done our best**

 **This is not "Breaking Free"**

 **Ba na na na (Oh)**

 **Ba na na na (Oh yeah)**

 **Ba na na na**

 **This is not "Breaking Free"**

" **The Inappropriate Tribute to Polynesians Since the Brownface Costumes of Maui"**

 **We are, are, are, are, are, are making this stuff up**

 **We are making this stuff up while we do**

 **We are, are, are, are, are, are making this stuff up**

 **Ooh!**

 **Why this got even banned in the first airing?**

" **The Hypocrite Song"**

 _ **Ryan:**_

 **Come on!**

 _ **Chad:**_

 **I don't dance**

 _ **Ryan:**_

 **I know you can**

 _ **Chad:**_

 **Not a chance, no**

 _ **Ryan:**_

 **Well, you could do this in the first movie**

 _ **Chad:**_

 **But I don't dance**

 **Pretend it didn't happen**

 **I don't dance**

 _ **Ryan:**_

 **I said you can**

 _ **Chad:**_

 **There's not a chance, no**

 _ **Ryan:**_

 **Slide on the tables, then strut on the floors?**

 _ **Chad:**_

 **Don't bring that up**

 **Or this song won't exist!**

" **The Butchering of the 'Breaking Free' Rip-off Song that We Will Burst Your Eardrums"**

 _ **Sharpay & Troy:**_ **  
The harmony to the melody**

 **This rendition will melt your heads  
**

 _ **Sharpay:**_ **  
Our single voice**

 _ **Troy:**_ **  
Please save me, boys!**

 _ **Sharpay:**_ **  
I'm not a common threat  
He loves singing to me**

 _ **Troy:**_ **  
When I hear this stupid song  
I won't sing for so long**

' **Cause this version's killing me**

 _ **Sharpay:**_ **  
My scheme has been working now  
My love's here because  
Troy is singing with me  
Na, na, na...  
Troy is singing with  
Na, na, na...  
Troy is singing with  
Is singing with me! Yeah!**

" **The Breakup Song"**

 **It's so hard to say**

 **That this part is where we breakup now**

 **Kind of blasé**

 **I've got to move on but I can't make a stand**

 **I just don't like it here**

 **In the middle of the sand**

 **We might find ourselves together next day**

 **But at least for now**

 **It is goodbye anyway**

" **The Hamming It Up Song"**

 **(Did you ever) laugh your face off when I do this dance?**

 **(Did you ever) treat this truly when you got the chance?**

 **(Did you ever) see the power of my feelings move?**

 **Did you ever see now? Did you feel this groove?**

 **I'm not gonna stop, even when I ham**

 **I'll sing it all I got, this is my jam**

 **Will I lose all myself? This is what I am**

 **I'm acting! I'm acting! I'm acting! I'm acting!**

 **Credit don't bother me, don't make me pay**

 **Skipped work to sing in the middle of the day**

 **When I'm done with this gig, don't make me stay**

 **I'm acting! I'm acting! I'm acting! I'm acting!**

" **The Oddly Perfect Improvised Number"**

 **Everyday do not smear**

 **What you find in here ain't that much sincere**

 **Dare to run while you're young**

 **And be upset**

 **Everyday don't apply**

 **Want to be young and free? Then, go and die**

 **Take a glance**

 **Together, we must contemplate**

 **This show is gray**

" **The Summer Jam Where Everybody Dances and Stuff, Because This is a Kids Movie"**

 _ **Troy, Chad, Ryan:**_ **  
Let's take it to the beach  
Although, there is none here**

 _ **Gabriella, Sharpay, Taylor:**_ **  
Let's celebrate in this pool  
Please no booze or beer**

 _ **Troy, Chad, Ryan:**_ **  
We're all in this together**

 **Wait, this song again?**

 _ **Gabriella, Sharpay, Taylor:**_

 **That is all fine**

 _ **All:**_ **  
Everybody all for one**

 **Even if this will be retconned**

 **Because movies need a dance song**

 **So, dance to not get shunned**

 **We're gonna stay under the sun**

 **Even if it burns like glue gun**

 **Everybody, sing this song, a rip-off one!**

 **Rip-off one! One! One!**

 **Rip-off one! One!"**

After doing a comical takedown on the songs, the epic voice guy proceeds to the Honest Names:

" **Starring:**

 **Michael Bolton (Troy)**

 **There Are Worse Things I Could Do (Gabriella)**

 **Ashley Simpson (Sharpay)**

 **White Man Can Jump (Ryan)**

 **Chicken Corbin Bleu (Chad)**

 **Mo'Nique (Taylor)**

 **Wadsworth (Fulton)**

 **Evans Family Values (Sharpay and Ryan's parents)**

 **Chris Bosh (Zeke)**

 **Now a Hockey Player (Jason)**

 **Martha Stewart (Martha)**

 **Wish I Found You Sooner (Kelsi)**

 **The Chipettes (The Sharpettes)**

 **Disney Vanity References (Troy looking himself at the pond ala Simba, the "three wishes" line in "Work It Out" and the "** _ **Humuhumunukunukuapua'a**_ **" song** **)**

" **I Want Taco Bell!" (Sharpay's Chihuahua)**

 **And The Worst of One World (Miley Cyrus)** "

He then spouts the Honest Title for the movie: " _ **Teen Beach Movie**_ "

But before the video ends, it shows an epilogue previewing the scene where Sharpay walks in to the gang rehearsing for the talent show, with Troy hiding on her left. Somehow, she does not sense or feel Troy at her left. Thus, the narrator complains, " **How is it that she didn't see Troy at her left? He is right on your left! Don't you have peripheral vision, woman?** "


End file.
